Day 34

My alliance is being very frustrating, Dallas in particular. I told him clearly, I want to go one round without totally lying to Jhets face, and he backs me into a corner and makes me lie.

I'm sick of it, lying. I am going to die in final tribal council because Dallas and Des didn't have to make the same bonds as I did. They didn't become super close with the other tribe. Dallas is acting like he is getting the same heat as I am when he isn't. These people trust me, they don't trust Dallas. So when he screws them over who cares? When I screw them over it is betraying a friend.


I think I've got some 'splainin' to do. What I said at Tribal Council was true: for the past 12 or so days, ever since our first Sagarmatha Tribal, I have been on the road and away from the usual creature comforts of reliable, ready internet. I have been keeping track of the game as best I could with an iPad and a couple checks a day, and I was absolutely lucky that all the challenges in that period were text-based, so that I could at least give them a go (however dismally I ended up performing). And yes, it is 100% true that the fateful Flag-and-Buff challenge corresponded with my departure day, and thus, a long day on the road with unreliable internet. Even if my life in this game had depended on that challenge, I don't know if I would have been able to make it happen. I certainly lacked the facilities to produce a stunning flag and had to resort to pen and paper.

But what I haven't said is that the Khaptad alliance needed Ash to lose that challenge. Given that she's accumulated the giveaway idol at the auction, if she won the immunity challenge, then she could protect Jhet and one of the rest of us would be going home. We absolutely needed her to lose, and unfortunately, that was my burden to bear. Did I throw the challenge? I guess I could have made more of an effort to get my flag submitted - pull over at a MacDonalds and use their WiFi or somesuch. But that was an interruption from my real life, and given the circumstances, I chose not to make that extra effort. So I guess I technically threw the challenge, but it was not out of malice. It was a strategic necessity for my alliance that conveniently coincided with a real-world problem.

And believe you me, I was worried that this decision would bite me in the butt. As of this moment, I am the only player left in this game who has NEVER had any of the fancy trappings of this game. I have never won individual immunity (or even reward), I have never had a hidden idol, or a double vote or anything fancy. Everybody else here has - I am having to rely solely on the strength of my alliances and my social and strategic game to keep me here. And at the last vote, with FIVE immunities in play - Charley and Dallas with their necklaces, Dallas and Ash with their auction idols and Charlie with his alleged hidden immunity idol, I could end up going home by default if somebody was wanting to flip sides and force some funny business to go down. It would have been pure dramatic irony, and I was half-expecting the Survivor gods to force that fate upon me.

But I scraped through, thankfully, and live to fight another day. But for the first time, I have a made an angry Juror. Not only did I vote Ash out, but I am almost single-handedly responsible for her departure. I prevented her immunity win. I organised a split vote that made her the prime target (though this was by default to counter the giveaway idol and Jhet's ability to nullify a vote). I lied directly to her face and told her my vote was with Chitwan and that I would be writing down Charlie's name. She's out of this game because of me. I guess on the bright side, I've rehabilitated my likable good guy persona. To paraphrase Shakespeare's Iago, now it's become my turn to play the villain.


Day 35

It all comes down to this. The next two votes will be crucial, and will absolutely be the hardest ones I have to make in this game. At the moment, I feel as though I could be a swing vote, but I could just as easily be set up as a target. I just can't tell, and it doesn't help that Charley and Dallas, who were supposed to be my closest allies, are getting all jumpy and irrational and paranoid. I don't know what's in the water, but it's driving them crazy and that, in turn, is cranking up my own paranoia.

It seems to be birthed out of the concern that Jhet will win the immunity necklace now. If he loses the challenge, I think it's a safe bet that he'll be going home. if he was to make it to the end, it doesn't matter who he's next to: it would be a landslide victory. No, it would be an avalanche. The Jury is so stacked with Chitwan that we have no hope against him. But if he somehow scrapes a win?

Then things get crazy. Charlie has an idol, so he would be safe. Dallas also has an "idol", though rumours are circulating that it's a fake. However, I'm not sure, so that would only leave Charley and myself as candidates to go home. I don't want to leave the game this close to the end, but I don't want to throw Charley under the bus if I can avoid it. Despite all the accusations of her making deals with the other tribe, and working all angles, she has been loyal in her votes thus far, and I believe that she's been conspiring with me more than anyone else, so I feel like I can trust her. But then again, I hear that she suggested to Dallas that I be the one to go should Jhet win. So maybe this isn't a two-way street after all.

But then Dallas... Oh, Dallas, what happened to you? He's certainly been playing under the radar, and hats off to him for that. I only realised it after the Ash vote, but he has been trying his darndest to keep the blood off his hands. In every move the Khaptads have made that involved lying or deceiving our opponents, he's backed out at the last minute to make the rest of us do the dirty work - and worst of all, he's been currying favour with Chitwan on their way out, apologising to them for lying and all that bull. Out of nowhere, he's become this huge social threat, and although I'd been contemplating sitting next to him at the end only a few days ago, now there's nothing I'd want less. But he's been trying to pull me over to vote with himself and Charlie should the dreaded Jhet-win occur, and take out Charley.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck in the middle. Do I take out Charley? It would be a clean break. Do I take out Dallas? If his idol is a fake, it's the only way to preserve my alliance with Charley - and I tried to plant that plan in her mind, and it seemed to work - I got her to actually suggest the idea, so hopefully she feels she owns it and that might play to her ego and we might be able to go ahead with it. But what should I do? I'm so torn, and if the worst case scenario happens, then this decision could very well decide my fate in this game.


Day 36

Well, I think I'm going home tonight.

It's kind of annoying how you work so hard to get to this point, and then the people that you took with you make one move to take you out. I mean, pretty much what's happening. This vote will probably be my swan song, or whatever the hell they call it. And the final two will probably be Dallas and Charlie.


I want to slap everyone on this tribe. I want to throw them all off a damn cliff. This should have been the easiest vote since Jason. Jhet needs to go - he'll win this whole damn thing if he makes it to the end. We needed to keep him from winning immunity. Well, guess what. I did that. It should be easy.

But no! The rest of my alliance decides to start acting like idiots and turning on each other. Charlie and Dallas are adamant that Charley is a huge threat. Maybe, but Jhet is a much bigger one. Meanwhile, Charley's spooked that her name is getting thrown around and is determined to take out Dallas. I don't know what the hell is going on in their heads, but they are making the biggest mistake of this game. They're starting to think selfishly - they can taste the win. It's right there in front of them, and they're not thinking clearly and seeing the big picture.

I've tried reasoning with them, but they won't listen to me. Charlie cast his (double) vote before he'd even finished hearing me out. I could have strangled him - I was furious. I haven't put my caps lock on and sworn in this game once, but that got me going. Meanwhile, Charley's trying to foist the decision on me. She's not trying to chorale a vote against Jhet, but she's putting all the weight on my shoulders, and trying to pressure me into voting against Dallas.

Now the problem comes in the math. If I vote Charley, she goes home, no questions asked. But I don't really want that to happen. She's been a close ally, and the only person who I believe would take me to the end if she could. But if I vote Dallas, then I am relying on Jhet to vote with us, and I'm not so sure that's going to happen. He has no reason to side with us, and even then, it would be a tie vote: 3-3. That gives Jhet TWO opportunites to screw me over. If I vote Dallas, then I risk being further ostracised from the blatant Charlie/Dallas allegiance if it fails because of Jhet. If I vote Charley, I'm no more certain breaking that twosome, though I'm pretty certain I'd be to the Final 3 if Jhet doesn't win immunity. And if I were to be stubborn, and put Jhet's name down, then I'm basically sending Charley home in the coward's way.